Movie Review: Warning: Teraa Surroor hardly Zaroor

Oh dear! Lend him your ears. Terraaa terrrrrraa terrrrra sooooooooorrrror ooooooooh ooooooooh terraaah aaaaah terrrra sooooorooor, warbles he to a certain she. And it keeps on, the ooohs ooohs inviting you to go pooh-pooh.

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Movie Review: Warning: Teraa Surroor hardly Zaroor

Oh dear! Lend him your ears. Terraaa terrrrrraa terrrrra sooooooooorrrror ooooooooh ooooooooh terraaah aaaaah terrrra sooooorooor, warbles he to a certain she. And it keeps on, the ooohs ooohs inviting you to go pooh-pooh.

Ouch, how your hearing equipment jingles jangles to  this title track of a yowl, emanating from the  vocal depths of songster-actor (huh?) Himesh Reshammiya.  

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Mamma mia, this feat is monitored by one Shawn Arranha who directs with the finesse of an irate piranha.Truly this terrrra terrrra drone must belong to an other-worldy music gharana.

Designed as a thriller shuttling between Mumbai and Dublin which is likely to provoke the ire of Irelanders, the result leaves you with brain drain, severe strain and pullulating pain. Somehow, I’ve survived to tell you its tale, never mind if I still ail.

Reason: Over to a clean as a sanitiser Dublin jail. All attempts to clear a Miss Tara Wadia Bronson (no kin to Charles Bronson, presumably) of drug smuggling charges, have failed. Now, aren’t you dying to know why the lady (Farah Karimaee) landed in a soup? Oops. A Facebook pal, it seems, called her over to perform a song and dance, or both, at ‘India Day.’ Hey but there’s no such event, she’s been had. Quite sad.

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Not to worry, please. Swifter than any brand of breeze, Miss Tara’s fiance believes it’s never too late. That’s our Mr Surrroooor (Himeshji, natch), who hatches a plan to yank her out of the picturesque prison. How now? Our vote of thanks goes out to a jailbreak expert (omigosh, Naseeruddin Shah), who in the tradition of impoverished journalists, demands remuneration by his word count. “That’s okay,” Surrrroooor mumbles, and allows the consultant to yack his head off. Blah blah blarney ensues and how.

Now, Surrrroooor and Fiancee Bronson have to get the hell out of Dublin in 20-minutes-flat. Plus, they must locate that fiendish Facebook friend. The screenplay or whatever there is of it thins, thickens. And sickens.

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Wait. To pep up the puerile proceedings, you’re treated to a mystery musician who bangs away at drums, hits an electric guitar with the zeal of Eric Clapton and wow, even does strange things to a trombone. Mad zone. Meanwhile, the background score goes boooom dooom doooom boooom, at one point oddly breaking into a chant going, “Salaam valekum.” To that, you respond with a “Valekum salaam” and pray desperately for the malarkey to end. It doesn’t.

After all, more shots have to be incorporated justifying the presence of the Word’s Worth Shah, Shekhar Kapur as an Indian ambassador who laments that his Sunday holiday has been wasted, Kabir Bedi as a top cop who does plenty little, not to forget Mummy Bronson (Shernaz Patel) who pleads from Mumbai, “Can’t I fly over to Dublin?” No luck by chance, the production team denies her a ticket. How unfair is that, no?

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By the way, for a soupcon of I-love-my-India sentiment, Surrrroooor bhai takes on a nasty anti-Bharatvarsh ‘gora’ at a café-cum-shooting range. Not only does Surrrroooor assert his superiority at target-practice but sashays out of the café, applauded by a group of NRIs. In addition, care is occasionally taken to make the badmash beasties praise India, before bullets are pumped into their skulls, stomachs and spines. Believe it or croak, Surrrroooor bhai exterminates more adversaries than Rambo ever did in his lifetime. Senseless killings, these.

Aerial shots of Ireland and music video style of chip-chop-suey editing, can hardly redeem an ill-conceived project. Moreover dialogue on the lines of, “It’s all a big mess” and “Oh shit!” are unintentionally howlarious.

As for the music score, it certainly can’t rank among Reshammiya’s best, not even remotely close to that. Still, if you have a taste for Terrrra terrrra surrrroooor sort of wails, it might be advisable to see the film with your eyes closed, and ears wide open. 

Quite curiously, the Kaante number Ishq Samundar composed by Anand Raj Anand is  foisted into the soundtrack. Pray whatever for? Why display a lack of confidence in a soundtrack done by Reshammiya solo?

Of the seasoned actors sprinkled in the cast, only Naseeruddin Shah is believable to a degree, suddenly adding a Mirza Ghalib couplet to relieve the mundane dialogue exchange. Advertently or inadvertently, debutante Farah Karimee may remind you of Katrina Kaif during her early years.

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And to be frank, your heart bleeds for Himesh Reshammiya in his tenth outing as an actor.Mop-haired, gym-renovated and often styled in sleeveless outfits, he strives to be an angry youngish man. Alas, his facial expressions are as blank as an empty dinner plate.

Such is fate. All seen and heard huzoors, Teraa Surroor doesn’t make for zaroor-viewing.