On July 4, Sonali Bendre announced that she is suffering
from high grade cancer and has rushed to New York for treatment.
Since then she has shared multiple posts documenting her battle with deadly
C. In her latest post, Sonali talks about the ups and downs during her
ongoing treatment and how feeling negative emotions isn’t wrong. Her heartfelt
“I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me.” – Cheryl Strayed, Wild.
Over the past couple of months, I have had good days and bad ones. There have been days when I’ve been so exhausted and in so much pain that even lifting a finger hurt. I feel like sometimes it’s a cycle… one that starts off with physical pain and leads to mental and emotional pain. The bad days have been many… Post chemo, post-surgery and the like… where even just laughing hurts.
Sometimes it felt like it took everything I’ve had to push past it… a minute to minute battle with myself. I got through it knowing that even though I was fighting a long drawn out, draining battle… it was one that was worth the fight.
It’s important to remember that we’re allowed to have those bad days. Forcing yourself to be happy and cheerful all the time serves no purpose. Who are we being fake and putting on an act for?
I allowed myself to cry, to feel the pain, to indulge in self-pity… for a short while. Only you know what you’re going through and it is fine to accept it. Emotions aren’t wrong. Feeling negative emotions isn’t wrong. But after a point, identify it, recognize it and refuse to let it control your life.
It takes an immense amount of self-care to get out of
that zone. Sleep always helps, or having my favourite smoothie after chemo, or
just talking to my son.
For now, as my treatment continues… my visual focus remains to just get better and get back home.
It’s yet another test…
Student all my life…
Learning all my life…